welcome to the jungle (of pop-culture irrelevance)

population: tyra banks and axl rose.
it seems that when axl was singing about the 'jungle,' he was actually constructing an elaborate metaphor, referring to murry's hair wax, costume jewelry, and the norelco adjustable beard and mustache trimmer. although an actual 'chinese democracy,' may be closer than we think, the never-to-be-released gnr album just got a whole lot less interesting, if axl's new look is any indicator of the new direction he has taken the band. I think he should take a page from the book of vanilla ice, and get shuge knight to hang his ass over a balcony BEFORE this album gets out. save us all the lost sleep axl, if you can even see through those slightly tinted gas station sunglasses of yours.

p.s. not even seeing his hero look like an eminem impersonator is gonna ruin this dudes day.

the road of isolationism and protectionism leads to our grandchildren are still screwed

You heard it live folks. the president linked iraq to 9/11, declared the u.s. a two party political system, and referred to the soviet union as an evil empire. i don't think i've heard that term since the reagan administration, if i had been born yet, which i wasn't. the president played the bipartisan card, mused on the shortcomings of human/animal hybrids, and even cracked a joke or two. what i laughed at though, was how the most secretive and unilateral administration since nixon (as if) somehow clawed its way back to a 43 percent approval rating. i guess it was through horse shit like this. keep it coming washington!, and for any of the chinese diplomats IN DA' HOUSE, i look forward to serving under you as a faceless, yet efficient drone. long live the eternal spirit of the great mao.


p.s. the drab navy blues and grays were in full force tonight with the congressional audience, but i was pleasantly surprised to see, interspersed in the sea of governmental bureaucratic wardrobe conformity, a neon pink, blue, and multiple cannery yellows. bravo, chinese delegation, for your undeniable fashion taste has once again lifted my spirits in these most dire of circumstances.

"On the grill of my lowrider"

" Steppin outta escalades and navigators
we makin it so they can't fade us
so we got to reach our goals
pushin platinum sellin gold"

Prince Michael II, taken hostage by fundamentalists in Bahrain

nope, that is Michael Jackson and his son prince Michael II. Apparently jacko cranks the freak-o-meter up to 11 when he leaves the country. nothing is as inconspicuous as dressing like a middle-eastern woman, burka and all, but it looks like that dude in the background knows the deal. michael is obviously teaching his son a school lesson. the security guard is too old to molest.

p.s. if someone sent this photo to the cia, neverland ranch would be a dust bowl before you could say "nose job."

robot holocaust later, rather than sooner

it seems the new HRP-2 robot from kawada is actually skilled in opening a fridge and retrieving beverages for its users. flash forward 5 years when these things are in every college dorm in the country, and we have 2 humanoids stealing our beer (roommate and robot). something tells me we are going to breed a race of alcoholic robots that order too much pizza and don't wash their clothes, rather than the type that enslave humanity. but if they control the beer, who is really in control?

put that in your pipe and smoke it, arthur c. clarke.

WB and UPN join forces to create CW.

no, cw doesn't stand for the 'chicken and watermelon network.' it is actually a combination of cbs and warner, according to this nytimes article. both networks hope to send the proverbial 'crack-cocaine' hit to their lagging viewerships by joining forces. this merger opens the door for cross promotion, such as upn's 'everybody hates chris's' chris rock perhaps doing a guest spot on say, wb's 'gilmore girls.' am i the only one that smells an illegitimate inter-racial love child? i suppose so.

j. simp gets d. runk

jessica simpson has always been a 'proactive' spokesperson first, and a musician second, but apparently she's leaving both of these behind in favor of more major motion picture roles. first it was 'the dukes of hazard,' and now you can see her in this candid shot preparing for 'the exorcism of emily rose, part duex.'

i never thought i'd say this but maybe jessica is taking her break from former 98 degrees hunk nick lachey a little hard. what? this picture was taken before they split? oh. nevermind. my bad.

any given fug-day

it seems that michael mann's adaptation of the 80's tv series 'miami vice' is getting more than just jeers for the soon-to-be repopularized white double-breasted blazer. according to this article, the production team is also getting shot at. "the cast and crew of the production were filming on the third floor of the hotel when it is believed that an individual fired a weapon outside the property, following an alleged altercation with the production's security. The security returned fire and the individual was shot." this incident supposedly took place in the domican republic, sending a harsh, but clear sign from the international community that they were not kidding about their threats of global nuclear war unless jamie foxx gets back to work on stealth 2.

p.s. billy ray cyrus wants his goatee/mullet back, colin.

eliot spitzer seeing double-vision

in an unexpected move by ny attorney general eliot spitzer, he has asked ny state senator david a. paterson to join him as his running mate for his 2006 gubernatorial bid. the new york times had this to say, "the unusual early selection of a lieutenant governor candidate carries several political benefits to mr. spitzer..." Obviously, the ny times is not taking into account the strategic importance of the wonk-eye swing vote.

p.s. i think one of his wonk-eyes is looking at that traditional african tribal design on the wall.

Somali denied pirate booty, nail clippers

I understand shooting rockets at a cruise ship, but that bro-dog still needs to cut his hang-nail.

jared leto dumped by tyler durden, goes on ho-ho binge

nah, just kidding. thank you Stereogum.com for this amazing "shot" of mr. leto in his upcoming role as john lennon's killer. just because you gain weight for a role, a la deniro in raging bull, doesn't mean you can act. it just means you can eat. in this case a lot.

p.s. ben gibbard wants his v-neck back. zing.

I think I got Osama

French Soldiers Machine-gunning Civilians

peste

This dude got owned by mother fuckin' nature

no, this man is not trying to swim upstream like the majestic atlantic salmon. He is getting pawned by 60 mph wind gusts. That's some mother fuckin' nature. truth.

absolut endorses kravitz, drunk

absolutkravitz

i don't know who is responsible for this, but the simple fact that lenny is trying to plug that cord into his nipple speaks for itself.

joyride

this is ethan and jeff's blog. we will scour the internet to find the most bizarre and interesting spectacles available through the wonders of modern technology. Or we may sit in our room and play halo. and order pizza. we will also coin terms. and occasionally speak in the third person.