jesus dead and resurrected, new zealand wants easter bunny just dead

YAY! IT'S THE 8th ANNUAL EASTER HELLRIDE NEWS ROUNDUP! YAY! ALL THE EASTER NEWS THAT YOU CAN'T TELL YOUR GRANDMA ABOUT OR SHE'LL CRY!

1. New Zealand hates easter bunnies. They were introduced in the late 1800's to spur a fur trade that never took off. Now they just fuck and eat all the crops.

"They're like an environmental curse," Mark Oldfield of Environment Canterbury told Reuters.

So why not just give them ebola!?

A virus that causes the rabbits to bleed to death was introduced illegally in 1997, significantly cutting numbers, but Oldfield said some rabbits were building immunity.

Super virus resistant easter bunnies!? Maybe look like this!?:


2.The 'War on Christmas' wasn't enough! All those Jews and Muslims and Mormans want to take Easter too! But the Rhode Island State legislature is not gonna let 'em!

Via ABC News:

"Like many Rhode Islanders I'm quite frustrated … by people trying to change traditions that we've held in this country for 150 years, like the Easter bunny," Rhode Island State Rep. Richard Singleton told "Good Morning America Weekend Edition."

That's right Rich! This country was built on our strong sense of tradition! Like slavery!

Too bad O'Reilly was getting in on the hot man on bunny action last year.

3. And now for some home town news! Officers pulled over a man for running a red light in East Hartford, CT Saturday night. While the man was looking for his insurance documents in the back seat, officers found an easter bunny FILLED WITH MARIJUANA.

Via La Associted Press:

When he stepped out of the car, the officer smelled marijuana and saw some on the floor, police said. The officer searched the car, found two baggies of marijuana in the glove box and saw the bunny. Inside the stuffed animal, which was holding an Easter basket, they found 16 small plastic bags of pot, police said.

4. And finally, an oldie but a goody. Last year, Karl-Friedrich Lentze of Berlin, Germany sued the Easter bunny for causing "bodily harm."

"The Easter Bunny is a sadistic and unscrupulous offender who preys on people's sweet tooth.

Find this evil bunny, handcuff his paws and remove him from shops in time for Easter."

Karl-Friedrich could not be reached for questioning, but Santa Clause has apparently joined the suit by filing a motion for a class action. Santa said, according to the AP, that before he met the Easter Bunny, he was a healthy 140 pounds, and his LDL 'bad' cholesterol was under 130.

See ya next year!

-j